The Magnus Parodies

The Basques   [CLICK] ARCHIVIST Statement of Jacob Grimm, regarding a the disappearance of the last speakers of the Basque-Icelandic Pidgin. Original statement given as part of a letter to Robert Smirke, September 19th 1863 . Audio recording by Jonathan Simps, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Statement Begins: ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT) Salutations Robert Smirke I write to you of troubling events, as I know of no Other who can interpret them so. You know that I study matters of Language, as a Philologist, though I also take a keen interest in Folklore and oral History which brings me in contact with the Subnatural. Yet the Tale I share here has brought me Face to Face with it like never before. I had recently been informed of a shocking Discovery - speakers of the purported Basque-Icelandic pidgin alive! Despite my old and frail Age - I requested that instead of visiting them, they should visit me to document their Language. I simply wish my Brother Wilhelm, God rest his...

  [CLICK] ARCHIVIST Statement of Eric Stirge, regarding a reverse break-in. Original statement given as an online post January 15th, 2016. Audio recording by Jonathan Simps, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Statement begins: ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT) So I heard this story second-hand, many years ago, but the gist was that a friend of a friend lived in what was generally considered a bad neighborhood, because he was a super poor college student and it was what he could afford.  He didn't have any furniture, he just slept on a blanket on the floor and had a milk crate for a chair and like an old wire spool as a table. No TV, nothing in the fridge, no microwave, basically just bare walls and a roof to keep the weather off.  So one day he comes home, and there's a man in his apartment, just standing there, with this look of utter amazement and horror on his face, and he turns to the guy who's just entered and says, "This your place? 'cause I broke in to rob ...

HUNGER [CLICK] ARCHIVIST Statement of Mit Owo, regarding a testosterone fuelled hunger, no location given. Original statement given January 16th 2025 . Audio recording by Jonathan Simps, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Statement Begins: ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT) Hey guys!!! I'll be 1 month on t on the 16th! Wahoo! I hadn't feel much different except for my d1ck who has been screaming at me from my pants 24/7 like a dog wailing from a crate under its master's bed. It's fun ngl, i wish purchsasing s3x toys from overseas wasnt illegal because MAN am i busy taking care of that. Lmao. lol even. Anyways! today I woke up with a slight feeling that I had cotton in my troath and my voice felt like it was vibrating (if that makes sense). I wondered if I had catched something in college but no? I feel fine? Just hot like how that Jacob guy was feeling in New Moon (2009). But my main issue (or only issue really) is that I went to take a nap and when I woke up...